A blonde thought if she dyed her hair brown she would become smarter. Whilst driving in the country she spotted this farmer herding sheep and asked him “If I guess how many sheep you have will you let me have one?” The man said “Sure.” Well she looked over and over and said 73. He said “Wow your good.” So the blonde claimed her prize. While walking her back to the car the man said “If I guess your hair color can you give me my dog back?”
Posts Tagged ‘blonde’
Smart(er) blond
June 22nd, 2009Revenge
June 22nd, 2009A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry. She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.
The boyfriend yells, “No, honey, don’t do it.”
“Shut up,” she says. “You’re next.”
Seeing things
June 22nd, 2009As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened.
The blonde began, “It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another …”
The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, “Mam … I don’t know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener.”
Blonde diet
June 22nd, 2009A blonde woman is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. “I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least five pounds.”
When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.
“Why, that’s amazing!” the doctor said. “Did you follow my instructions?”
The blonde nodded. “I’ll tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.”
“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor.
“No, from skipping.”
Head and Shoulders
June 22nd, 2009A blonde and a burnett are catching up ofter having not seen each other for a while, the burnett says to the blonde, “I’m married to Kenny now.”
The blonde replies, “Really, I used to date him. Isn’t he the one with the really bad dandruf?”
“Yeah,” answered the burnett, “but I fixed that, I gave him head and shoulders.”
The blonde looked really confused and after a few moments asked, “How do you give Shoulders?”
Blond cop
June 22nd, 2009A blonde cop stops blonde motorist and asks for her driving license.
The Motorist scuffles around in her purse and can’t find it. She says to the cop, “I must have left it at home officer.”
The cop says, “Well, do you have any kind of identification?”. The motorist scuffles around in her purse, and finds a pocket mirror. She looks at it and says to the cop, “All I have is this picture of myself.”
The cop says, “Ok Let me see it, then. So the blonde motorist gives the mirror to the blonde cop, she looks at it, and replies, “Well, if I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn’t have even pulled you over. You can go now.”
Smart blonde
March 28th, 2009The best job in the world?
March 28th, 2009A drunk is sitting at the bar. There is a very buxom blond a few seats down from him.
A fellow at the other end of the bar calls for a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar.
The glass hits the blond’s breasts and spills all over them. The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her breasts.
This happens a couple more times. The next time, the drunk jumps up and starts to lick her breasts. She decks him!
He’s lying on the floor moaning and groaning. Why do you let the bartender do it? He asks the blonde?
She answers: ‘Because he has got——-
A LICKER LICENSE!
Blond
Blonde’s solution to barking dog
March 28th, 2009
Dog
A blonde and her husband are lying in bed listening to the neighbour’s dog barking. It had been barking for hours. Suddenly the blonde jumps up out of bed and says “I’ve had enough of this”, and off she goes downstairs.
She finally comes back up to bed and her husband says,”The dog is still barking. What have you been doing?”
Blond: “I put the dog in our yard. Now we’ll see how they like it!”
