A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, ‘Everyone who thinks they’re stupid, stand up!’ After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, ‘Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?’ ‘No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!’
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. ‘Why do you do that, mommy?’ he asked. ‘To make myself beautiful,’ said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. ‘What’s the matter?’ asked Little Johnny. ‘Giving up?’
* * * * * * * * * * *
The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn’t paying attention in class. She called on him and said, ‘Johnny! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?’ Little Johnny quickly replied, ‘NBC, FOX, ESPN and the Cartoon Network!’
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny’s kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. ‘Yes,’ said the policeman. ‘The detectives want very badly to capture him.’Little Johnny asked, ‘Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture ?’
* * * * * * * * * * *
Little Johnny attended a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse’s legs and rump, and chest. After a few minutes, Johnny asked, ‘Dad, why are you doing that?’ His father replied, ‘Because when I’m buying horses,I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy. Johnny, looking worried, said, ‘Dad, I think the postman wants to buy Mom .’
Posts Tagged ‘son’
Johnny
June 22nd, 2009Maybe this is not so funny
March 28th, 2009A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a
masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave
the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave
birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.
All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into
the room in tears.
‘What’s wrong?’ asked the mother. ‘I was taking a tinkle and
this bullet came out,’ replied the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16
years ago.
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in
tears. ‘Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet came out.’
Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened
16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in tears.
‘It’s okay’ said the Mom, ‘I know what happened. You were
taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.’
‘No,’ said the boy, ‘I was playing with myself and I shot the
dog.’
Tampons, the great enabler
March 28th, 2009Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, “Son, how old are you?”
“Eight,” the boy replied.
The man continued, “Do you know what these are used for?”
The boy replied, “Not exactly, but they aren’t for me. They’re for him. He’s my brother. He’s four. We saw on TV that if you use these, you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can’t do either one. “
Strange insects
March 25th, 2009
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to
spare her young son’s innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don’t worry; that was an insect."
To which, her son replies, "I’m surprised it could get off the ground with a dick like that."
